WHY WON'T HE DANCE?
It happened again. Right in front of my eyes. I was attending a dance in Sacramento this past Friday night, and I
saw the reason for this column unfold before me. To wit, a very cute guy walked the length of the dance floor,
approached the table where I was sitting, and asked one of the women at the table to dance. She barely looked
up, shook her head no, and went back to yakking with one of her girlfriends. The cute guy, trying to muster a little
dignity, walked stiffly back to where he had been standing at the other end of the room. Who knows what
thoughts were going through his head. I wanted very much to apologize for the girl’s attitude, tell him we weren’t
all like that, and that I hoped it wouldn’t jade him and keep him from asking other women to dance. And, I
wanted to smack that girl.
I have heard over and over from my women friends that they don’t understand why, at dances and in clubs, the
guys stand around the fringe of the floor with a drink in their hand and seem disinterested in dancing. Some
men do not even dance one dance. Other than the ones who simply come to watch, and you know who you are,
what could the reasons be? Well, it was reinforced through this incident that the guys may be uncertain that the
woman they ask will agree to dance with them. And, clearly, this mind set is often justified.
I can think of nothing more unspeakably cruel, other than 25 year old females parading around in front of me with
low rise jeans and crop tops, than a woman who says “no” to a man who made that long march across a floor to
ask for a dance. I’ve heard the excuses that the gals give for turning the guy down - “I don’t like the song”, “I have
a headache”, “I just had an operation” - lame plus 10. I don’t understand why it would be so difficult for this
woman to dance with a guy who put himself on the line in this fashion. What’s one dance? I’m not suggesting
she spend the evening with him. And, if someone is annoyingly persistent, say “no thank you” to subsequent
requests. But come on, ladies, one lousy dance as opposed to potentially embarrassing a fellow single. What
was she thinking!?! Where were this woman’s manners?
To those of you who have done this yourselves, I say, “Shame on you.” Unless you’re on life support or in a body
cast, there is almost no excuse. You ladies are certainly allowed to attend the dance for whatever reasons you
may have. Want to spend the time chatting with your girlfriends? That’s your privilege; although, I can’t imagine
that you don’t get enough of that Monday through forever. Not in the mood to dance at a dance? Your call. But
then don’t complain that the men just stand around, also. Not there to meet guys? Again, your business, but I
don’t buy that one for a second. But this woman of whom I’m speaking was at a public function, and public
manners and behaviors ought to prevail. A stranger approached, in the land of the DJ, and asked for what
amounts to a 3 minute dance. Couldn’t she think of someone else’s feelings for just 3 minutes, tear herself
away from what I am certain was a less than fascinating conversation with an already best friend, and dance
with the guy?
So now, after having lambasted the ladies, I can only say that I hope you guys who have been told “no”, and have
felt that sting, won’t try to pay back by also saying “no” to those of us who have screwed up the courage to ask
you to dance. In this case, turn about is not fair play. I have been on the receiving end of that “no”, and I can tell
you I don’t like it any more than you guys do.
I find that, as singles who are out and about much of the time, we can be remarkably insensitive to each other at
a time and place when some of us are most vulnerable. This singles scene can be remarkably tricky to
navigate. Many go out, experience extremely bad manners on the part of their fellow singles, take it very
personally, and choose not to go out again for a time. Some really have to recover from some of their
experiences. It’s bad enough that the world is already cruel to us in a very haphazard way; it seems to me we
should be kinder to each other when we have the opportunity.
I’m rather sure there are other reasons why men don’t always ask us to dance when we would like them to; I can’
t possibly know all of them. But, I think that the above is valid, and pervasive. I hope that we will give this some
thought and try to do our part not to contribute to this potentially hurtful scenario.
So, shall we dance?
Please email your comments to sdplatt2@astound.net.
Copyright 2009 by Susan D. Platt.
No part of this article may be reproduced without the express permission of the author.
September 14, 2008
It happened again. Right in front of my eyes. I was attending a dance in Sacramento this past Friday night, and I
saw the reason for this column unfold before me. To wit, a very cute guy walked the length of the dance floor,
approached the table where I was sitting, and asked one of the women at the table to dance. She barely looked
up, shook her head no, and went back to yakking with one of her girlfriends. The cute guy, trying to muster a little
dignity, walked stiffly back to where he had been standing at the other end of the room. Who knows what
thoughts were going through his head. I wanted very much to apologize for the girl’s attitude, tell him we weren’t
all like that, and that I hoped it wouldn’t jade him and keep him from asking other women to dance. And, I
wanted to smack that girl.
I have heard over and over from my women friends that they don’t understand why, at dances and in clubs, the
guys stand around the fringe of the floor with a drink in their hand and seem disinterested in dancing. Some
men do not even dance one dance. Other than the ones who simply come to watch, and you know who you are,
what could the reasons be? Well, it was reinforced through this incident that the guys may be uncertain that the
woman they ask will agree to dance with them. And, clearly, this mind set is often justified.
I can think of nothing more unspeakably cruel, other than 25 year old females parading around in front of me with
low rise jeans and crop tops, than a woman who says “no” to a man who made that long march across a floor to
ask for a dance. I’ve heard the excuses that the gals give for turning the guy down - “I don’t like the song”, “I have
a headache”, “I just had an operation” - lame plus 10. I don’t understand why it would be so difficult for this
woman to dance with a guy who put himself on the line in this fashion. What’s one dance? I’m not suggesting
she spend the evening with him. And, if someone is annoyingly persistent, say “no thank you” to subsequent
requests. But come on, ladies, one lousy dance as opposed to potentially embarrassing a fellow single. What
was she thinking!?! Where were this woman’s manners?
To those of you who have done this yourselves, I say, “Shame on you.” Unless you’re on life support or in a body
cast, there is almost no excuse. You ladies are certainly allowed to attend the dance for whatever reasons you
may have. Want to spend the time chatting with your girlfriends? That’s your privilege; although, I can’t imagine
that you don’t get enough of that Monday through forever. Not in the mood to dance at a dance? Your call. But
then don’t complain that the men just stand around, also. Not there to meet guys? Again, your business, but I
don’t buy that one for a second. But this woman of whom I’m speaking was at a public function, and public
manners and behaviors ought to prevail. A stranger approached, in the land of the DJ, and asked for what
amounts to a 3 minute dance. Couldn’t she think of someone else’s feelings for just 3 minutes, tear herself
away from what I am certain was a less than fascinating conversation with an already best friend, and dance
with the guy?
So now, after having lambasted the ladies, I can only say that I hope you guys who have been told “no”, and have
felt that sting, won’t try to pay back by also saying “no” to those of us who have screwed up the courage to ask
you to dance. In this case, turn about is not fair play. I have been on the receiving end of that “no”, and I can tell
you I don’t like it any more than you guys do.
I find that, as singles who are out and about much of the time, we can be remarkably insensitive to each other at
a time and place when some of us are most vulnerable. This singles scene can be remarkably tricky to
navigate. Many go out, experience extremely bad manners on the part of their fellow singles, take it very
personally, and choose not to go out again for a time. Some really have to recover from some of their
experiences. It’s bad enough that the world is already cruel to us in a very haphazard way; it seems to me we
should be kinder to each other when we have the opportunity.
I’m rather sure there are other reasons why men don’t always ask us to dance when we would like them to; I can’
t possibly know all of them. But, I think that the above is valid, and pervasive. I hope that we will give this some
thought and try to do our part not to contribute to this potentially hurtful scenario.
So, shall we dance?
Please email your comments to sdplatt2@astound.net.
Copyright 2009 by Susan D. Platt.
No part of this article may be reproduced without the express permission of the author.
September 14, 2008
The Society of Single Professionals
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