Is Your Type the Reason You’re Still Single?

Challenging the pattern that keeps you stuck.

We all have a “type,” right? Tall, funny, successful. Blonde, artistic, emotionally available. Or maybe it’s the bad boy, the fixer-upper, the emotionally distant mystery wrapped in a leather jacket. Whatever your flavor, you’ve likely been drawn to certain people over and over again.

But if you keep ending up heartbroken, disappointed, or perpetually single—here’s the hard truth: your “type” might be sabotaging your love life.

What Even Is a “Type”?

Your type is usually a combination of physical traits, personality quirks, and subconscious preferences you’ve built over years of experiences, media exposure, and—let’s be honest—past trauma. It’s your dating comfort zone. The problem is, comfort doesn’t always mean compatibility.

Just because you’re *attracted* to a certain kind of person doesn’t mean they’re *good* for you. Chemistry is not character. Attraction is not alignment.

Patterns Don’t Lie

If every relationship seems to follow the same disappointing pattern, the common denominator is you—and your type. Do you keep dating:

  • The emotionally unavailable?
  • The charming-but-inconsistent?
  • The overachiever who has no time for you?
  • The fixer-upper who drains your energy?
  • The one who’s great—except for one “tiny” red flag?

These aren’t coincidences. They’re patterns. And they’re often rooted in deeper beliefs about what we think we deserve or what love is supposed to feel like. If love feels like anxiety, uncertainty, or constant guessing—it’s not love. It’s a pattern. And it’s time to break it.

But I Can’t Help Who I’m Attracted To… Right?

This is the biggest myth of modern dating. Yes, initial attraction can feel like lightning. But lasting relationships are built on intention, not instinct alone.

You can absolutely shift your attractions—by shifting what you prioritize. Instead of asking, “Am I attracted to this person?” try asking:

  • “Do I feel safe around them?”
  • “Do they make me feel calm or chaotic?”
  • “Can I be myself, or am I performing?”
  • “Do they follow through on their words?”
  • “Do I like who *I* am around them?”

These questions cut through superficial attraction and get to the heart of emotional compatibility. They help you choose based on *alignment*, not adrenaline.

The Trap of Dating Potential

If your type is “someone with amazing potential,” please proceed with caution. Potential doesn’t cook dinner, return your calls, or show up when you’re hurting. Dating someone for who they *could* be instead of who they *are* is a fast track to disappointment.

Real love happens in the present. Choose someone for their actions, not their promises. Who they are today is who you’re dating. Not their hypothetical future self.

How to Break Free from Your Type

You don’t have to ban your type altogether. But if you’re always falling for the same kind of person with the same unhappy result, it’s time to expand your view. Here’s how:

  • Write out your dating history: Spot the patterns. Who keeps showing up in different clothes?
  • List what actually worked—and what didn’t: You may be surprised by what made you happy vs. what just made your heart race.
  • Challenge one core preference: If you always go for extroverts, give the thoughtful introvert a chance. If you always chase excitement, try someone who brings peace.
  • Listen to your body, not just your butterflies: Do you feel calm around this person, or constantly nervous? Safe, or unsure?
  • Ask friends for input: They’ve watched you on repeat. They know the script. Ask what patterns they’ve seen.

Redefine Your Type

Your new type? Someone who is kind. Honest. Present. Emotionally available. Interested in you. Values you. Supports you. Makes your life better, not harder.

That may not sound like a Hallmark card, but that’s what real love feels like: safe, solid, sustainable. It may not give you the same dopamine rush as the unpredictable “hot and cold” type—but it will give you peace. And peace is hot. Really hot.

You Deserve Better Than a Pattern

Falling for your type again and again can feel like fate. But sometimes, fate needs a little redirection. If your type keeps letting you down, it’s time to upgrade—not just in partners, but in how you view love.

Don’t just ask, “Am I attracted to them?” Ask, “Is this healthy? Is this respectful? Is this love?”

Because when you raise your standards, your type will follow.